1 00:00:07,150 --> 00:00:10,870 Where is he, then? Come on, where is he? Well... Give me two weeks, you said, 2 00:00:10,970 --> 00:00:15,470 and I'll have Robin Hood and his extremely unfunny men bound and gagged 3 00:00:15,470 --> 00:00:18,850 feet. That was a month ago. And where is he? The problem is... Well, he's 4 00:00:18,850 --> 00:00:22,090 certainly not at my feet. There's nothing there except for an extremely 5 00:00:22,090 --> 00:00:24,850 unpleasant Veruca. No one will admit having seen him. 6 00:00:25,130 --> 00:00:26,550 Then shout at them! 7 00:00:27,050 --> 00:00:33,010 I have, my lord. Or torture them. I have, my lord. But the thing is, he's 8 00:00:33,010 --> 00:00:35,270 popular. He's what? 9 00:00:35,960 --> 00:00:36,960 He's popular. 10 00:00:38,560 --> 00:00:40,780 What do you mean, he's popular? 11 00:00:41,820 --> 00:00:42,820 He's popular. 12 00:00:43,180 --> 00:00:46,100 He seems to have become a sort of superhero, my lord. 13 00:00:46,500 --> 00:00:52,040 He can fly the pack of panthers with a blindfold on. He can cross the forest 14 00:00:52,040 --> 00:00:53,420 swinging hand to hand. 15 00:00:53,700 --> 00:00:58,420 He can do the giant thing a hundred yards away. 16 00:00:58,970 --> 00:01:01,730 Robin Hood's the greatest hero in the land. 17 00:01:02,550 --> 00:01:03,550 He's popular. 18 00:01:04,069 --> 00:01:05,349 Yes, he's really popular. 19 00:01:06,550 --> 00:01:07,690 So popular. 20 00:01:08,190 --> 00:01:09,710 Completely, completely popular. 21 00:01:10,990 --> 00:01:13,390 Do you know what they sprayed up last week? 22 00:01:13,850 --> 00:01:17,050 Why is King John like a tape measure with no numbers? 23 00:01:17,370 --> 00:01:20,450 Um, I don't know. Because they're both useless rulers. 24 00:01:21,810 --> 00:01:23,330 Are you laughing? 25 00:01:23,830 --> 00:01:27,530 No, no, no, no, no, no, no, my lord. A green fly just flew up my nose. 26 00:01:28,030 --> 00:01:31,450 They're brave, they're fearless, and they can run. 27 00:01:31,790 --> 00:01:34,830 To help the weak and needy is their rule. 28 00:01:35,670 --> 00:01:40,010 But the boldest of them all is the merry man they call. 29 00:01:40,570 --> 00:01:47,070 And the leader of their army's name is 30 00:01:47,070 --> 00:01:51,310 Maria. She's as brave as anyone you ever think. 31 00:01:52,230 --> 00:01:56,270 She can read a map and dig a trap and climb a tree. 32 00:01:56,860 --> 00:02:00,320 He's the greatest general there's ever been. Popular. 33 00:02:01,920 --> 00:02:04,620 Well, maybe just a bit. You know, with some people. 34 00:02:04,920 --> 00:02:05,920 So popular. 35 00:02:06,120 --> 00:02:09,479 I mean, not incredibly popular. I don't want to boast or anything. 36 00:02:22,020 --> 00:02:24,460 But you know they live in the forest. 37 00:02:25,140 --> 00:02:29,620 Surround their hideout and when Robin Hood comes out, clobber him. But I can't 38 00:02:29,620 --> 00:02:31,780 find his hideout. You're useless. 39 00:02:32,180 --> 00:02:33,180 Do you know that? 40 00:02:33,260 --> 00:02:34,320 Absolutely useless. 41 00:02:34,620 --> 00:02:38,180 You're as much use as a cheeseburger to a drowning elephant. 42 00:02:38,560 --> 00:02:41,040 I do my best. Well, it's not good enough. You're fired. 43 00:02:41,320 --> 00:02:42,640 Hand over your badge. 44 00:02:42,840 --> 00:02:44,420 But I thought we were friends. 45 00:02:44,720 --> 00:02:47,580 Friends? I'd rather be friends with a wet newspaper. 46 00:02:48,280 --> 00:02:51,700 Now, I appoint me the new sheriff. 47 00:02:52,170 --> 00:02:56,630 And as my first task, I shall rustle up a posse and go and round up Robin Hood. 48 00:02:56,750 --> 00:02:58,610 You clear off! 49 00:03:00,510 --> 00:03:02,110 So, that's it. 50 00:03:02,930 --> 00:03:09,030 After 20 years of loyal service, I'm cast aside like... like an old pair of 51 00:03:09,030 --> 00:03:10,110 flared trousers. 52 00:03:10,430 --> 00:03:14,430 Well, I don't care. You can keep your rotten job. The pay was lousy, there 53 00:03:14,430 --> 00:03:16,370 no luncheon vouchers and nobody liked me. 54 00:03:16,950 --> 00:03:20,990 In the City of Nottingham top ten list of unpopular people, I came second. 55 00:03:21,920 --> 00:03:25,080 I'd have come first if that geography teacher hadn't hung his old class upside 56 00:03:25,080 --> 00:03:26,780 down for not knowing the capital of France. 57 00:03:27,360 --> 00:03:28,360 Venice. 58 00:03:28,700 --> 00:03:33,620 What? Capital of France is Venice. I know the capital of France is Venice. 59 00:03:33,620 --> 00:03:35,960 not a complete moron. And what's that one of first? 60 00:03:36,260 --> 00:03:37,540 What? This one? 61 00:03:38,360 --> 00:03:43,240 The Sheriff of Nottingham is as brainy as a dead hedgehog. Just scrub it off. 62 00:03:43,560 --> 00:03:45,100 No. What? 63 00:03:45,440 --> 00:03:48,900 And you didn't know that Venice is the capital of France? You were just showing 64 00:03:48,900 --> 00:03:53,140 off. Well, actually, I did, Mr Cleverclogs, so there. 65 00:03:53,440 --> 00:03:57,160 Well, actually, you didn't, Mr Cleverclogs, because it isn't. It's 66 00:03:57,630 --> 00:04:02,090 Venice is just the main seaport. I order you to scrub that off. You can't order 67 00:04:02,090 --> 00:04:02,989 us to do anything. 68 00:04:02,990 --> 00:04:03,990 You've been sacked. 69 00:04:04,190 --> 00:04:07,330 No, I have not. Yes, you have. For being as useful as a cheeseburger. 70 00:04:07,630 --> 00:04:10,910 Well, that shows how much you know, doesn't it? I have not been given the 71 00:04:11,050 --> 00:04:14,610 That was merely a brilliant piece of pretense on the part of the king and I. 72 00:04:14,950 --> 00:04:20,790 I have, in fact, become an undercover agent about to go on a dangerous 73 00:04:21,209 --> 00:04:22,210 Don't believe you? 74 00:04:22,430 --> 00:04:24,110 Are you still here, Nottingham? 75 00:04:24,750 --> 00:04:26,890 Well, I'll prove it to you. 76 00:04:27,450 --> 00:04:32,910 The king and I are now talking in code. The next thing he'll say is, well, you'd 77 00:04:32,910 --> 00:04:35,350 better, or I'll set the dogs on you. 78 00:04:35,970 --> 00:04:38,190 Yes, your majesty, but I'm just going. 79 00:04:38,590 --> 00:04:41,830 Well, you'd better, or I'll set the dogs on you. 80 00:04:42,150 --> 00:04:45,970 There, see, see, see, not such a brain box now, are we? Yeah, but what did 81 00:04:45,990 --> 00:04:47,810 you'd better, or I'll set the dogs on you mean? 82 00:04:48,330 --> 00:04:51,650 It meant disguise yourself as a merry man. 83 00:04:52,410 --> 00:04:56,130 Flip into Sherwood Forest, find Robin Hood's hideout, flip out of the forest 84 00:04:56,130 --> 00:04:58,170 again and report back to me. 85 00:04:58,430 --> 00:05:01,430 Oh. Which merry man will you disguise yourself as? 86 00:05:01,650 --> 00:05:04,670 Well, I've got a rather amusing idea. 87 00:05:05,450 --> 00:05:07,070 We are totally surrounded. 88 00:05:07,530 --> 00:05:08,710 There's no way out. 89 00:05:08,930 --> 00:05:11,810 Any second now, it'll be curtains for the merry men. 90 00:05:12,290 --> 00:05:16,510 Suddenly, the enemy rise out of the bushes and charge towards our hideout. 91 00:05:16,750 --> 00:05:18,110 What happens then? 92 00:05:18,940 --> 00:05:22,660 When they get to this bunch of leaves, they step on them, tumble into my pit 93 00:05:22,660 --> 00:05:24,980 then beg for mercy. And why do they do that? 94 00:05:25,240 --> 00:05:26,860 Because I dropped my pet rat in there. 95 00:05:27,100 --> 00:05:28,260 Very good. Then? 96 00:05:29,000 --> 00:05:30,000 Follow me. 97 00:05:31,320 --> 00:05:34,960 And the ones who haven't fallen into the pit, keep on going until they get to my 98 00:05:34,960 --> 00:05:39,960 log, which breaks into and they smash down into this extremely stinky mud. 99 00:05:40,200 --> 00:05:44,860 Correct. Then? Oh, the rest of them carry on until they reach this branch. 100 00:05:45,200 --> 00:05:47,860 They push it out of the way and then they fall over. 101 00:05:48,300 --> 00:05:49,300 Fall over. 102 00:05:49,400 --> 00:05:52,760 Where you at, man? No -one's going to fall over just because they've turned... 103 00:05:52,760 --> 00:05:57,100 Good, Rabies. Very, very good. And then? 104 00:05:57,980 --> 00:05:59,700 And then, Robin? 105 00:06:00,240 --> 00:06:04,740 Oh, sorry. Yes. And then they read my sign and I'll go home. 106 00:06:05,040 --> 00:06:06,040 Your sign? 107 00:06:06,280 --> 00:06:07,280 Yes. 108 00:06:10,320 --> 00:06:11,480 So, this is Robin Hood. 109 00:06:11,700 --> 00:06:16,100 I'm afraid the Merry Men aren't available to speak to you right now, but 110 00:06:16,100 --> 00:06:19,400 you'd like to leave a message, we'll call you back as soon as we can. 111 00:06:21,140 --> 00:06:26,100 Robin, we have spent the entire week turning this hideout into a fortress 112 00:06:26,100 --> 00:06:28,240 Sherwood, and what's your contribution? 113 00:06:28,640 --> 00:06:30,020 An answering machine. 114 00:06:30,480 --> 00:06:33,820 Well, there'll be no point in them staying if we're out, will there? Go 115 00:06:34,240 --> 00:06:35,179 Go on. 116 00:06:35,180 --> 00:06:37,960 Go and do some guard duty before I lose my temper. 117 00:06:41,770 --> 00:06:43,330 And you lot, follow me. 118 00:06:44,510 --> 00:06:49,990 I want to show you our ultimate deterrent. Now be very careful, because 119 00:06:49,990 --> 00:06:51,870 thought of this... I've got a brilliant idea. 120 00:06:52,130 --> 00:06:53,730 This. Robin. 121 00:06:54,350 --> 00:06:56,470 You're supposed to be on sentry duty. 122 00:06:56,690 --> 00:06:59,690 Why are you fiddling about with a piece of dead cow? 123 00:07:00,010 --> 00:07:03,090 This is how I'll let you know the soldiers are coming. I'll put it to my 124 00:07:03,090 --> 00:07:03,909 like this. 125 00:07:03,910 --> 00:07:07,770 I'll already have dipped it in this bucket of soapy water. A stream of 126 00:07:07,770 --> 00:07:11,770 bubbles will soar into the air. You'll see them and say, good old Robin, he's 127 00:07:11,770 --> 00:07:13,310 spotted the enemy, let's get into action. 128 00:07:13,790 --> 00:07:14,790 Robin. 129 00:07:14,960 --> 00:07:18,420 Your ancestors have been on this planet for 20 ,000 years. 130 00:07:18,680 --> 00:07:23,780 They fought dinosaurs and saber -toothed tigers. They put up with snow, fire, 131 00:07:23,920 --> 00:07:26,160 flood and extremely itchy diseases. 132 00:07:26,480 --> 00:07:27,700 And what was the result? 133 00:07:27,980 --> 00:07:33,120 A total, utter, complete brainless nincompoop like you that had been better 134 00:07:33,120 --> 00:07:34,740 being squashed by a brontosaurus. 135 00:07:35,300 --> 00:07:39,560 Now, look, I'm sick of you, Miss Knowall. Other people have ideas too, 136 00:07:39,620 --> 00:07:42,120 Who made those serviettes out of conker leaves? Me. 137 00:07:42,620 --> 00:07:45,260 Who made shin pads in case we're kicked by red deer? Me. 138 00:07:45,700 --> 00:07:48,760 My warning system is a brilliant idea, and I'll prove it to you, understand? 139 00:07:51,780 --> 00:07:54,660 I'm going straight to the village, and I'm going to buy four horns and four 140 00:07:54,660 --> 00:07:57,440 buckets, and we're all going to have one. And when the sheriff comes, you'll 141 00:07:57,440 --> 00:07:59,120 extremely glad you know me, OK? 142 00:08:00,360 --> 00:08:03,440 Now, the thing is, at the foot of this tree is a trick wire. 143 00:08:03,780 --> 00:08:08,440 The rest of the soldiers come charging up this path, and when they hit it... 144 00:08:08,440 --> 00:08:09,700 Where's Robin? 145 00:08:09,960 --> 00:08:11,080 Oh, he's gone to the village. 146 00:08:11,550 --> 00:08:14,130 You're kidding. I think he's gone for small bubble kits. 147 00:08:14,430 --> 00:08:17,330 That man is more trouble than a wisdom tooth. 148 00:08:18,050 --> 00:08:20,330 We don't let him wander around the village on his own. 149 00:08:20,910 --> 00:08:22,210 You two go and get him. 150 00:08:22,790 --> 00:08:24,830 Rabies, you stay here and keep a lookout. 151 00:08:28,890 --> 00:08:31,250 How come you know so much about grants, then? 152 00:08:31,470 --> 00:08:32,650 I've got a pen pal there. 153 00:08:33,250 --> 00:08:34,250 But you can't write. 154 00:08:34,549 --> 00:08:36,250 Oh, no? We just send each other pens. 155 00:08:36,809 --> 00:08:38,750 OK, men, we'll start here. 156 00:08:39,010 --> 00:08:40,010 Ha! Watch this. 157 00:08:45,130 --> 00:08:48,750 Good morning. We're starting a neighbourhood watch scheme in your area. 158 00:08:48,750 --> 00:08:49,850 you care to join? 159 00:08:50,110 --> 00:08:51,110 What do I do? 160 00:08:51,510 --> 00:08:52,630 Oh, you stand and watch. 161 00:08:54,050 --> 00:08:55,050 How long for? 162 00:08:55,290 --> 00:08:56,330 Until you see something. 163 00:08:57,450 --> 00:08:58,450 Right. 164 00:08:59,010 --> 00:09:00,290 Now, come back! 165 00:09:00,930 --> 00:09:02,150 What are you doing? 166 00:09:02,530 --> 00:09:04,710 Well, I saw something. What? That chicken. 167 00:09:04,990 --> 00:09:11,550 No, he means until you see Robin Hood. Oh, yeah. I like him. Then I invite him 168 00:09:11,550 --> 00:09:14,330 in for a game of Subutia. No, you shout out! 169 00:09:14,940 --> 00:09:18,620 Eh? I'll shout out, come in for a game of sofodio. 170 00:09:18,920 --> 00:09:21,980 No, you shout out, look, here's Robin Hood. 171 00:09:22,200 --> 00:09:22,979 Are you sure? 172 00:09:22,980 --> 00:09:28,380 Yes, because if you don't, we knock you into the ground, nail two dozen pretty 173 00:09:28,380 --> 00:09:30,920 ribbons to your head and use you as a maple. 174 00:09:31,420 --> 00:09:32,420 Right! 175 00:09:35,520 --> 00:09:40,060 So bossy, so jolly, high and mighty, just because you've got a GCSE. 176 00:09:40,280 --> 00:09:43,960 There's only GCSE art, anyway. She only got that because the examiner sat on his 177 00:09:43,960 --> 00:09:45,520 glasses. Morning, snooker. 178 00:09:46,520 --> 00:09:48,120 I said, morning, snooker. 179 00:09:49,000 --> 00:09:50,000 What are you doing? 180 00:09:50,260 --> 00:09:52,220 I'm keeping my eyes shut. 181 00:09:52,600 --> 00:09:56,160 If I see you, I've got to shout, look, here's Robin Hood. 182 00:09:56,420 --> 00:09:57,420 Who said so? 183 00:09:57,560 --> 00:10:00,580 Him. Who? That bloke up there. 184 00:10:00,860 --> 00:10:01,900 What bloke? Up where? 185 00:10:02,740 --> 00:10:03,740 Him, him. 186 00:10:04,040 --> 00:10:05,040 Oh, thank you. 187 00:10:05,320 --> 00:10:07,880 Ah, look, here's Robin Hood. 188 00:10:08,240 --> 00:10:09,840 Oh, dear, looks like I'm in trouble. 189 00:10:36,430 --> 00:10:37,430 He's here somewhere! 190 00:11:16,200 --> 00:11:17,200 Wait a minute. 191 00:11:19,580 --> 00:11:21,720 Prepare to die! 192 00:11:25,480 --> 00:11:28,920 Prepare! Yes, yes, to die, I know, but if you could just bear with me for a 193 00:11:28,920 --> 00:11:29,920 couple of seconds. 194 00:11:34,820 --> 00:11:35,719 What was that? 195 00:11:35,720 --> 00:11:39,740 Sounds like a demented water buffalo about to trample a totally innocent 196 00:11:39,960 --> 00:11:40,960 But it's coming from the village. 197 00:11:41,160 --> 00:11:42,160 Let's go! 198 00:12:11,760 --> 00:12:14,980 I seriously think we're going to fall for that old look out, there's somebody 199 00:12:14,980 --> 00:12:16,380 behind you routine. 200 00:12:46,160 --> 00:12:50,540 A devilishly handsome sheriff of Nottingham plunged deeper and deeper 201 00:12:50,540 --> 00:12:55,280 forest. Only by finding Robin Hood's hideout would he be able to win back his 202 00:12:55,280 --> 00:12:56,280 king's trust again. 203 00:12:56,480 --> 00:13:02,760 But he was fearless, fantastically fit, and brilliantly disguised as Maid 204 00:13:02,760 --> 00:13:06,540 Marian. Like some primitive hunter, his feet made no sound. 205 00:13:06,780 --> 00:13:11,860 His hawk -like eyes instantly recognised the smallest signs of danger. With his 206 00:13:11,860 --> 00:13:13,640 cat -like tread, he leapt from... 207 00:13:28,490 --> 00:13:29,490 Tender nicely. 208 00:13:29,510 --> 00:13:30,510 Yes! Yes! 209 00:13:31,010 --> 00:13:32,310 Right, up you come. 210 00:13:37,510 --> 00:13:38,510 It's you. 211 00:13:38,710 --> 00:13:40,410 Yes, yes, it's me, I'm afraid. 212 00:13:40,690 --> 00:13:44,630 That was all a trick, then. Yes, I'm afraid it was, but it didn't work, did 213 00:13:44,970 --> 00:13:49,930 No, as I saw through it, didn't I? As soon as I heard that, ah, I thought, 214 00:13:50,070 --> 00:13:52,070 hello, that's not an enemy. 215 00:13:52,330 --> 00:13:54,650 That's Marion putting on a silly voice. 216 00:13:55,130 --> 00:13:56,130 Of course. 217 00:13:56,150 --> 00:13:57,810 I'm Marion, aren't I? 218 00:13:58,090 --> 00:14:01,590 I hope so. I mean, who do you think you are? The Sheriff of Nottingham? 219 00:14:02,910 --> 00:14:08,150 What a ridiculous thought. Of course not. I haven't been the Sheriff of 220 00:14:08,150 --> 00:14:11,490 Nottingham for ages. Well, all my life, actually. 221 00:14:12,310 --> 00:14:16,790 Right, well, I'd better get back to our secret hideout now. 222 00:14:17,730 --> 00:14:19,530 Where is it again? Don't you know? 223 00:14:19,790 --> 00:14:23,050 Oh, yes, of course I do. But I'm just testing your memory. 224 00:14:24,410 --> 00:14:25,670 It's this way, isn't it? 225 00:14:25,910 --> 00:14:27,460 No. It's this way. 226 00:14:27,960 --> 00:14:29,920 Nearly had you there, didn't I? Yeah. 227 00:14:30,260 --> 00:14:32,680 Oh, and be careful of the what's it? 228 00:14:34,140 --> 00:14:35,380 What's it? What's that again? 229 00:14:35,640 --> 00:14:36,640 That wobbly log. 230 00:14:36,980 --> 00:14:43,120 Correct. And then I go... Up there, past the branch with the boxing glove on the 231 00:14:43,120 --> 00:14:47,060 end of it. Oh, and don't trip over the trip wire, will you? Of course not. 232 00:14:47,700 --> 00:14:48,700 Bye. 233 00:14:59,050 --> 00:15:00,050 How did you do that? 234 00:15:00,070 --> 00:15:01,070 Do what? 235 00:15:01,090 --> 00:15:04,270 Split in two like that. I haven't split in two. 236 00:15:04,610 --> 00:15:08,370 Yes, you have. Your front's there and your back's behind that bush. 237 00:15:08,570 --> 00:15:11,730 It's not behind that bush. It's behind my front. Look. 238 00:15:12,530 --> 00:15:13,650 A miracle. 239 00:15:14,270 --> 00:15:19,970 You've got two behinds. No, she hasn't. I swapped her round. Another miracle. 240 00:15:20,430 --> 00:15:23,010 That wasn't me speaking. It was you. 241 00:15:23,610 --> 00:15:24,670 Yes, me. 242 00:15:25,310 --> 00:15:26,310 Sorry. 243 00:15:27,210 --> 00:15:32,330 That is not my behind, Rabies. I am Marion. That is the Sheriff of 244 00:15:32,410 --> 00:15:34,390 Tie him up and take him to the camp. 245 00:15:34,650 --> 00:15:36,810 Wait! Don't listen to her. It's all lies. 246 00:15:37,210 --> 00:15:38,610 I am Marion. 247 00:15:40,750 --> 00:15:41,750 Hey! 248 00:15:42,170 --> 00:15:43,170 How do you do that? 249 00:15:43,450 --> 00:15:44,269 Do what? 250 00:15:44,270 --> 00:15:45,270 Split in two like that. 251 00:15:45,370 --> 00:15:50,030 I haven't split in two. This is me and this is the Sheriff of Nottingham 252 00:15:50,030 --> 00:15:52,250 a dress and pretending to be my behind. 253 00:15:53,850 --> 00:15:54,970 How did you do that? 254 00:15:55,230 --> 00:15:59,390 Before you ask, this one's me and that one isn't. It's Little Ron. No, Robin, 255 00:15:59,510 --> 00:16:01,470 it's the Sheriff of Nottingham. He's been captured. 256 00:16:01,810 --> 00:16:03,370 Yes, Robin, well observed. 257 00:16:03,850 --> 00:16:06,550 King John and his men are going to take him to the torture chamber and do 258 00:16:06,550 --> 00:16:08,290 disgusting things to him with bits of machinery. 259 00:16:08,950 --> 00:16:11,910 So, one of your men has been captured, has he? 260 00:16:12,170 --> 00:16:15,470 Well, it won't be long before you join him. Why? 261 00:16:15,770 --> 00:16:18,290 Because my men will be here at any minute. 262 00:16:18,550 --> 00:16:20,390 You mean they know you're in the forest? 263 00:16:20,650 --> 00:16:22,430 Yes. Dressed in these clothes? 264 00:16:22,750 --> 00:16:23,750 Yes. 265 00:16:24,400 --> 00:16:25,400 I have an idea. 266 00:16:25,980 --> 00:16:29,100 Sheriff, would you mind if I borrowed something from you? 267 00:16:29,500 --> 00:16:30,820 What? This. 268 00:16:33,580 --> 00:16:36,360 Now I want some answers. 269 00:16:36,620 --> 00:16:41,040 And if I don't get them, your life won't be worth living. 270 00:16:41,740 --> 00:16:46,100 What's your name? Excuse me, my lord, but I think it's Little Ron. 271 00:16:46,320 --> 00:16:49,680 Why? Because his mum called him Ron and he's very little. 272 00:16:50,420 --> 00:16:51,620 Well, Little Ron. 273 00:16:52,080 --> 00:16:56,280 By the time I'm finished with you, your mum will be calling you enormously 274 00:16:56,280 --> 00:16:57,720 gigantic, Ron. 275 00:16:58,080 --> 00:17:00,640 What, are you going to feed him up with spaghetti and stuff? 276 00:17:00,880 --> 00:17:01,880 Nope. 277 00:17:02,040 --> 00:17:07,060 I'm going to tie him to the rack and stretch him till he's so long we'll be 278 00:17:07,060 --> 00:17:09,540 to run a flag up him on my birthday. 279 00:17:10,099 --> 00:17:11,420 One moment, my lord. 280 00:17:11,839 --> 00:17:16,579 Before you take this humble peasant to the torture chamber, I have important 281 00:17:16,579 --> 00:17:18,579 news. Who are you? 282 00:17:19,300 --> 00:17:21,480 It is I, my lord, the sheriff of Nottingham. 283 00:17:22,920 --> 00:17:27,160 ...found the secret headquarters of that infamous band, the Merry Men. 284 00:17:27,460 --> 00:17:31,860 We're dressed in a frock? Yes. I disguise myself as a highly attractive, 285 00:17:32,240 --> 00:17:33,680 intelligent young woman. 286 00:17:33,900 --> 00:17:35,120 Well, it's a rotten disguise. 287 00:17:35,560 --> 00:17:36,840 Now, where are these Merry Men? 288 00:17:37,120 --> 00:17:41,400 They are hidden in a forest fortress surrounded by a highly complex security 289 00:17:41,400 --> 00:17:45,420 system, obviously designed by some brilliant general. 290 00:17:45,720 --> 00:17:46,880 And where is this fortress? 291 00:17:47,300 --> 00:17:49,140 There's no time to waste. Follow me. 292 00:17:54,199 --> 00:17:58,680 So, she's going to lure them here, pretending to be me, is she? Yep. Then 293 00:17:58,680 --> 00:17:59,800 be chopped to pieces. 294 00:18:00,220 --> 00:18:03,900 No, we won't. Because even if they dodge the traps, our lookouts will be 295 00:18:03,900 --> 00:18:04,940 waiting. Oh, yeah? 296 00:18:05,540 --> 00:18:07,020 And how are they going to give the warning? 297 00:18:07,500 --> 00:18:08,500 Easy. 298 00:18:08,740 --> 00:18:13,740 They'll... Um... Um... I hadn't thought of that, had you? 299 00:18:14,020 --> 00:18:15,020 They'll use these. 300 00:18:15,840 --> 00:18:19,200 Take these buckets, take these horns, and the moment you see the enemy, you 301 00:18:19,200 --> 00:18:21,340 what to do. Yes, we know what to do. 302 00:18:21,540 --> 00:18:23,120 Rabies, stay here and guard the sheriff. 303 00:18:23,550 --> 00:18:24,930 Barrington, follow me. 304 00:18:28,930 --> 00:18:30,670 What a marvellous life, eh? 305 00:18:31,250 --> 00:18:33,610 Good job being a merry man, is it? Yeah. 306 00:18:33,910 --> 00:18:34,910 Much competition? 307 00:18:35,270 --> 00:18:38,330 Oh, yeah. It's a crossword competition. 308 00:18:38,870 --> 00:18:41,070 I guess the weight of the cake competition. 309 00:18:41,730 --> 00:18:45,790 That thing with his loads of eggshells in the sand and he has to guess which 310 00:18:45,790 --> 00:18:46,850 one's the real egg. 311 00:18:47,470 --> 00:18:48,470 Fascinating. 312 00:18:48,810 --> 00:18:52,050 Do you need any special skills? 313 00:18:52,670 --> 00:18:55,030 You need a big stick for whacking people. 314 00:18:55,610 --> 00:18:56,710 Yes, I suppose you would. 315 00:18:56,910 --> 00:18:58,890 And you have to be good at tying knots. 316 00:18:59,210 --> 00:19:02,890 And, um, untying them, I suppose. 317 00:19:03,410 --> 00:19:04,530 I've never tried. 318 00:19:04,810 --> 00:19:09,810 I mean, for instance, just to take an example right out of the blue, what 319 00:19:09,810 --> 00:19:11,350 this one? 320 00:19:12,490 --> 00:19:13,490 Yes, 321 00:19:13,950 --> 00:19:16,210 it's just round the bend. King John! 322 00:19:16,510 --> 00:19:17,710 So let's hope there's nothing. 323 00:19:17,910 --> 00:19:18,990 Look out on guard! 324 00:19:20,050 --> 00:19:21,870 At last! 325 00:19:22,920 --> 00:19:27,820 last the moment I've been waiting for. At last, I'm going to smash Robbie Hood 326 00:19:27,820 --> 00:19:29,080 and his merry men. 327 00:19:31,420 --> 00:19:37,340 Excuse me. 328 00:19:48,720 --> 00:19:49,720 What was that? 329 00:19:49,920 --> 00:19:51,200 A merry band practice? 330 00:19:52,860 --> 00:19:55,260 Then we've caught them completely unawares. 331 00:19:55,640 --> 00:19:57,560 Nottingham, lead the charge. 332 00:19:58,060 --> 00:19:59,740 Who? Go on, man. 333 00:20:01,020 --> 00:20:03,380 Charge! Charge! Charge! 334 00:21:15,150 --> 00:21:19,790 Because she is not who you think she is. She is Maid Marian, one of my merry 335 00:21:19,790 --> 00:21:20,990 men. Robin Hood! 336 00:21:21,330 --> 00:21:22,870 One of whose merry men? 337 00:21:23,210 --> 00:21:29,090 You cunning swine! So this was all your idea, was it? Yes, actually. I waited 338 00:21:29,090 --> 00:21:33,130 until you were almost honest, and then with this I summoned my robber band. 339 00:21:33,470 --> 00:21:36,770 I don't believe you. Why? Because robber bands haven't been invented yet. 340 00:21:37,010 --> 00:21:39,210 So, Robin Hood, I'm in your power. 341 00:21:39,810 --> 00:21:41,090 What is it you want? 342 00:21:41,490 --> 00:21:43,410 Pardon? You want a pardon. 343 00:21:43,650 --> 00:21:44,770 No, I want... 344 00:21:45,000 --> 00:21:48,500 Um, well, um, what is it again, Marion? 345 00:21:50,260 --> 00:21:56,300 We want our freedom. We want a land free from poverty and tyranny, where 346 00:21:56,300 --> 00:22:03,020 everyone is equal regardless of race, colour or creed. We want adequate 347 00:22:03,020 --> 00:22:07,820 facilities. We want to stop biting our fingernails. We want Notts County in the 348 00:22:07,820 --> 00:22:09,760 First Division. We want... Ow! 349 00:22:10,600 --> 00:22:11,780 You again! 350 00:22:12,080 --> 00:22:13,080 Yes! 351 00:22:13,160 --> 00:22:14,160 Me again. 352 00:22:14,320 --> 00:22:15,320 How did you do that? 353 00:22:15,520 --> 00:22:16,419 Do what, my lord? 354 00:22:16,420 --> 00:22:18,300 Split yourself in two like that. 355 00:22:18,600 --> 00:22:22,760 I haven't split in two, my lord. I am the sheriff of Nottingham, and this 356 00:22:22,760 --> 00:22:26,680 damsel who is totally in my power is Maid Marian. 357 00:22:27,080 --> 00:22:28,680 But you haven't got a beard! 358 00:22:29,300 --> 00:22:31,440 Oh, yes, I have, my lord. 359 00:22:32,600 --> 00:22:33,600 Good. 360 00:22:35,120 --> 00:22:41,060 Now tell the many men you'll kill her unless they set me free. Just one small 361 00:22:41,060 --> 00:22:42,060 thing, my lord. 362 00:22:42,250 --> 00:22:43,229 My job. 363 00:22:43,230 --> 00:22:45,170 What? Do I get my job back? 364 00:22:45,430 --> 00:22:46,369 Yes, yes. 365 00:22:46,370 --> 00:22:48,310 And just get me out of here. 366 00:22:48,510 --> 00:22:52,670 Plus a small increase in wages to cover the cost of my frocks? All right. 367 00:22:53,010 --> 00:22:54,710 Now get up with it. 368 00:22:55,490 --> 00:22:57,590 Throw down your bows. 369 00:22:59,710 --> 00:23:01,770 Now, back off up that path. 370 00:23:02,110 --> 00:23:03,870 Oh, not that path. 371 00:23:04,490 --> 00:23:05,490 We have to. 372 00:23:05,830 --> 00:23:09,030 Oh, come on. Honestly, sometimes you make a really big fuss over nothing. 373 00:23:18,510 --> 00:23:20,870 It's been one of those days, really, hasn't it?